End of the Year of Firsts

With September 11 approaching, my heart goes out to those who lost loved ones. This is a date that is forever emblazoned world wide as the attack on America. At the same time it is a very personal and intimate date for the families and friends of those who died as a result of the attack. There will be all kinds of remembrances, memorials, media coverage, and many moments of silent retrospection. There is another side, a paradox, to this date in history.

Did you ever have a day when you knew something really big and completely wonderful was planned and you couldn't wait for that day to arrive? The kind of day where your anticipated event gave you butterflies in your stomach and you wanted to speed up the clock to hurry up and get there? The kind of anticipation that made you want to run as fast as possible toward that day to make it hurry up and arrive?

Or — have you ever had a day that you dreaded with all your being? The kind of day that if you could stop time — you would? A day you would do, or give, anything to avoid? Where what was planned or what was coming was something you did not, under any circumstances, in any way, shape or form want to be anywhere near — and knew you had to be there?

Can you imagine both of those scenarios encompassing the same day? Talk about the set-up for an emotional roller coaster!

My brother was killed in a mid air collision on February 8, 2000. Because he was a well know radio personality in Chicago the media picked up on the story immediately. I learned about his death on the evening news. My heart stopped and my world forever changed. The year that followed was akin to learning to walk all over again — my legs were shaky, the footing bumpy — and I did, indeed, learn to walk on newer, stronger legs. My strength came by the grace of God.

We all have the freedom to choose which perspective we hold on to — the day of dread — or the day of celebration — or a touch of each. The beauty is — God equips us to boldly walk through any kind of day, emotion, circumstance or experience. All of which is part of the richness of being fully human. It is true that you cannot experience great joy without also experiencing great sorrow.

My choice was to thank God for my brother having been in my life. This does not mean that I did not grieve. My heart and soul grieved deeply — my spirit was fine.

The same God who created us to be able to feel such a wide range of emotion is right there with us when we go through the really tough days. Actually, He is also there to walk beside us through the times of great joy as well. He is always with us. And He does walk with us through the joy of experiencing all the emotions that He created us to feel.

In embracing all that God has planned for me in my time on earth, I walked boldly toward my day of remembrance and celebration. I was not, am not and never will be alone in the travels of my human experience. My eyes are focused on my Creator and my Savior. With Him in my sights, this is how my day went.

February 8, 2001 — this was the first "anniversary" of my brother being born into eternity. I had been looking forward to this day for a while now. I referred to it as the day I would celebrate the end of the year of firsts. Never again would I have to walk down the road of the first birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas or any other special annual date. Never again would it be the first time that the instinct hits me to call him about something special — and there is no one to answer the phone. No more first time for whatever day, event or thought without my brother to share it with. It was a celebration for many reasons. Mostly that I did indeed walk through the year and the grief — as opposed to camping out there. Additionally, think of it — my brother is rubbing elbows with Jesus — how cool is that! There is also the fact that I have new friends as a direct result, and am a very new and improved person — stronger of spirit, stronger of faith.

God has worked so much in my life, with healing and restoration in my family and in my soul. My brother is so near to me, still tickling my heart. I would not be the person I am today without having had him in my life, and without all he gave me in his physical death. New people in my life, new strength in my spirit, new eyes in my soul.

So, yes February 8, 2001 was a day of remembrance for me — just as September 11, 2002 will be a time of remembrance for all of you who lost someone who meant the world to you. A time to remember the years of laughs, hugs, talks, tears and a lifetime of memories. Moreover, a time to remember the cycle of life, the love of God, and the hope for the future in which we will again see our loved ones. Their bodies are back to dust, and their spirits live eternal.

That calls for a wonderful celebration! As I wrote this I was full of joy and peace. I am a very fortunate woman to have had such a wonderful relationship with my brother and to be loved so completely by him. For that — I thank God for having had him in my life.

There were no tears, for me, on that day. There were a lot of warm deep breaths bringing in a calming joyful peace that filled my soul. It truly was the first anniversary of my brother being born into eternity.

So, no — it was not a dreaded day, nor one I wanted to run toward. It was a gift and a blessing day. A day filled with so much love and power and strength — and for that I am eternally grateful. It was the day that I embraced the fact that my brother is not just in my past — he is indeed in my future!

On September 11, 2002 you will be in my prayers. And, like you, I will be remembering the end of my year of firsts — and how it marked the beginning of the years ahead filled with love, life and hope of things yet to come.

This article is based on an excerpt from the soon to be released book, Power Walk: Finding Supernatural Power in Everyday Life.

Saga Stevin is a Motivational Speaker, and Professional Personal Coach, a lay minister, as well as an inspirational writer. She is the author of “The Golden Triangle: a simple philosophy on dating & relationships,” “Be Nice! Discovering the pearls in life’s little lessons,” and the soon to be released “Power Walk: finding supernatural power in everyday life.”

Be Nice! Discovering the pearls in life's little lessons

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