Where to Draw the Line
Healthy Boundaries and Good Priorities Mean a Successful Life!
This article appeared
in an
issue of
Personal Excellence.
Boundaries are very important to establish in all your relationships.
You have to know what your limits are. You have to know what is your
business and what is not your business. What is your problem and what is
not your problem. What you need to take care of and what you don't need
to take care of. What you will tolerate and what you won't tolerate.
You need to set your boundaries at the beginning of each
relationship. This is not to say you have a list of dos and don'ts that
you hand to every personal and businessperson you deal with. This does
mean you need to have clear boundaries in mind, and when they are
stepped over the first time you gently inform the person and nip the
potential problem in the bud. For instance: one of my clients started
sending me email jokes. I didn't want any unnecessary mail
so I had to
set my boundaries. I explained that it is a policy of mine to use that
email address for business correspondence only. Thereafter, I knew I had
to make a point to inform my future clients of this policy.
Remember
you are building a foundation for successful and
respectful relationships. It is always best to respect not only your own
boundaries
but those of others as well. The best way to do this is to
ask if it is all right to do something before you actually do it. Even
with the simple things. A case in point would be what times are good to
call someone. What is too early, what is too late? For example, I am an
early to bed and early to rise person. I also like to have an hour of
quiet time before I go to bed. Therefore, I set my boundaries so that no
one calls me too late in the evening.
This article appeared in an
issue of
Air-Tran Arrivals,
the in-flight magazine
of Air-Tran Airways.
In business relationships boundaries need to be set as well. Let your
clients and partners know where you prefer to be called, and between
what hours. If you prefer not to be called on weekends
say so.
Personally, my weekends are reserved for family and friends. When I have
social gatherings at my house I let everyone know that no shoptalk is
permitted
only fun and frivolity. This gives everyone the chance to
get away from work and relax and have fun.
Setting healthy boundaries is one way of creating a solid foundation
and symmetry in your life. These boundaries will help you maintain the
balance between your business and personal relationships. In turn, this
helps keep you on track in honoring your personal relationships and not
allowing the business side of your life to grow out of control.
In setting boundaries you are claiming the priorities in your life
and honoring them. I can assure you that if you think you need to
sacrifice all you are to get ahead in business - your personal life will
fail. When your personal life fails it affects your business life and
that will suffer as well. The key to success in any, and every, area of
life is balance.
Knowing your priorities is a key factor. Let's do an exercise that
might help illustrate this point. Draw a circle with eight equal parts
like a wagon wheel. In each part write the different aspects of your
life (i.e. money, health, career, fun and recreation, significant other
/ romance, friends and family and physical environment). Within each
piece of the wheel put a line at what level of satisfaction are you at
in each category. How much time and energy do you spend in each area?
Are you satisfied where you are?
When you look at the areas that take the greatest amount of your time
and energy, are they ones that are the most satisfying to you? If not,
take some time and see what you could do to get back the balance in your
life. There is always a way to make things work out. After all, the life
you are living right now is a direct result of the choices you have
made.
To get the balance back in your life
you might have to start making
some different choices and setting new boundaries. In setting these new
boundaries you will basically be re-training your friends and business
associates. Be gentle with them and know that they are used to the old
boundaries and may forget a time or two. Make a game of reminding them.
Even ask for their help in helping you to stay true to yourself. People
love to be part of a team. Recruit them to your team and let them feel
good about helping you keep your priorities straight. Tell them you need
their help in placing and enforcing your new boundaries.
If you were going to quit smoking and told your friends and co-works
that you needed them to help you I can assure you they would all be
jumping on the band wagon and wouldn't let you go buy that pack of
cigarettes! Same thing holds true with setting your new boundaries.
Simply let them know
and stick to it.
As your life gets more balanced, your stress will drop, you will be
more relaxed, have more energy and be more pleasant to be around.
Setting boundaries helps others know how to treat and respect you
because you are treating and respecting yourself. We teach people how to
treat us - in every area of life.
Once you begin to get your priorities in life figured out and begin
to notice the time and energy you put into them
your life will slowly,
but surely, begin to change. As this happens, the attitude of the people
around you will change
they are following your lead. Your attitude
toward yourself is changing. As your attitude changes then your actions
and choices begin to change.
Change your mind, and your attitude, about what is important in your
life. Once your new attitude is in place and you get a determination to
stick to your goals, your life will begin to change. These changes do
not happen over night, nor are they easy. It wasn't an easy process to
get you to where you are now. Be determined, and at the same time, be
easy on yourself
balance the two.
This is the first step to living life to the fullest. This is truly
the beginning of the best part of your life
your future. The future
you are going to create. This is how you begin to live the life you love
and love the life you live!
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Saga Stevin is a
Motivational Speaker, and Professional Personal Coach, a lay minister, as well as an inspirational writer.
She is the author of The Golden Triangle: a simple philosophy
on dating & relationships, Be Nice! Discovering the pearls in
lifes little lessons, and the soon to be released Power Walk:
finding supernatural power in everyday life.
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